Sticking to Courage

by Alyssa Houlis

Fear likes to win, but what I learned that I have not realized is that it is not as strong as it makes itself appear. There is one secret weapon that defeats it every time: courage. The only catch is that courage starts out timid, it does not offer itself to you willingly. You must be the one to work with it, to train it, for the more you are with it, the stronger it becomes. To live by courage requires making the commitment to understanding what it truly is and that it does not start out bold as it grows with time. Fear is nothing but an unlikely motivator, and we must encourage courage when we want to run from it the most.

Photo courtesy: Alyssa Houlis

One of my earliest memories of becoming disillusioned by fear takes me back to sixth grade. The talent show was approaching, and I had been practicing a few songs on the keyboard that I felt the world was ready to hear. I walked into the audition room, which was unexpectedly filled with the student council; apparently they were there to judge alongside the actual teacher who was judging. That is when the fear caved in on the courage that became curious enough to help me decide to audition in the first place. I placed myself on the piano bench, scanned the crowd once more, and began to play… the wrong note. Yes, the very first key I pushed down was the wrong one, and it inspired a chain reaction, one note after the next. This was the day I realized I am impacted by what my peers think of me. I started to think I am not good enough to do anything in front of people. And found that piano keys are much stickier than keyboard keys.

As time progressed, I discovered the most important part about this experience; of the last three lessons I thought I had learned, only one actually holds true, piano keys certainly are stickier. As for the two mistruths, I grew up most of my life after that being afraid of judgement and rejection, but I have learned to appreciate myself and I realize that there is absolutely no reason for me to be concerned of what other people think or say about me. I realize now that walking in that audition room and sitting at that piano bench at age 12 is a victory in itself. I no longer hold opinions of others to such a high regard. Most importantly, I have learned that I certainly am enough. I am worthy of success, and I can accomplish anything I put my dedication and courage into, in front of other people or not.

For the first time sixth grade, I decided to try out for something as a senior in high school. A poetry recitation competition was taking place in my school for the first time, and being quite the fan of literature, I knew this was my chance to redeem myself- not for anyone but myself. I prepared the memorization of the poem “Quite Frankly” by Mark Halliday. When the day came to preform, I allowed myself to call the butterflies in my stomach excitement, not fear. I used my past painful experience to grow, not allowing myself to wilt my strength. I stood up in front of the panel of judges and my peers (including a few friends who sat through the entire round of poems just to hear mine- love them to bits), and you’ll never believe what I did: the first words that came out of my mouth were wrong. “I will be reciting Quite uhh Frankly by Frank, I mean, uh Mark Halliday.”

A mess of stuttering and quite frankly, embarrassing confusion, I felt myself reliving my sixth grade talent show moment, but in the time I have grown, one thing has changed, I now have faith in my own courage, and fear has no hold on me anymore. I know I am enough, so instead of surrendering away from the microphone as I had done with the piano bench, I let out a chuckle, took a deep breath, and continued. Fear backs away when you laugh at it. I recited the poem line for line, beaming with more pride with every passing second. It by no means was a perfect recitation, I stumbled and paused here and there, but I didn’t do it for perfection, I did it for my own advancement. I did this to prove that the only truth amongst those I thought I had learned would be that piano keys are sticky, and everything else was the teaching of fear.

Third place. Of fourteen people, I won the third-place title. I let courage guide me, and now I have a new set of lessons to carry with me through life: I do not have to be, and will not be perfect. I am worthy of any successes that I push myself to achieve. Though piano keys are stickier than keyboard keys, they both make a beautiful sound- as long as you play the right notes.

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Photo courtesy: Alyssa Houlis

**Alyssa is from New Jersey where she is currently on a self-fulfilling journey to overcome fear and live by courage as she is facing one of the biggest transitional phases of her life. She will be graduating high school in a few weeks, and her college excursion will soon begin. She will be studying animal science- a major fueled by a passion for animals. Though she is unsure of what she wants to do career-wise, she is learning more about herself daily and has no doubt that life will lead her in the proper direction as long as she always remembers to allow courage to overcome fear!

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